Our goal at Isaiah 53 Ministry is to find healing for both men and women and also healing for their marriage/relationship. We are by no means experts, we are simply sinners who have found God’s grace and have been working through our own healing process.  I have noticed through the interaction between my wife and many women that most men simply do not have a clue. Whatsoever. They are clueless to the devastation of their sin, the terrible consequences that will occur, and just how hurt their wife is. Most men need a swift kick to the rear because they are simply clueless. So, I am willing to be that kick. Because I needed it and you need it. We are attempting to streamline as many resources as we can for sexual healing or outright battling sin. Here you will find a collection of books, articles, resources, websites and anything else that I feel would be helpful to anyone who is on the road to recovery. May Jesus came to pardon our sins, but He also came to heal the brokenhearted so we can walk in freedom. May God continue to bless us on the path to complete restoration and healing in Him.  

How can I Share My Struggles with my Wife?

April 6, 2015

I realize the title of this blog can cause some men to sweat bullets; the idea of talking to your wife about your sexual struggles may even make you nauseous. I understand. Early on in our healing process I watched my husband stumble through confessions with nervous embarrassment and a pale face as he was unsure of what the outcome would be. But I'm here to offer you some encouragement and some tips. Know this, sharing your struggles with your wife as you diligently seek purity will not only increase your odds of remaining faithful, but will help your wife begin to grow in her trust for you. As she sees you being genuinely honest with her and as she sees you not only struggle but gain victories over those temptations, she will begin to see you in a new light. She will see you as a strong, courageous man who is willing to do whatever it takes to live a life of purity. She will feel more attractive and loved because she will see that you are trying to pursue her and that those struggles that every man faces are ones that you want to discuss with her and refrain from. Genuine confession and conversations like these were vital to our healing process and even today they continue to keep my husband and I connected and on the same page.

So how do you share with your wife without causing her to go into a complete meltdown? Here's a few tips my husband and I came up with that we've shared with many couples:

  1. Humility is key- Most likely if you're seeking this advice, you've probably hurt your wife in the past. Sexual betrayal is very hurtful and difficult to overcome. But hopefully you and your wife are taking steps to restore that trust that was broken. And now you may be struggling with temptations to look at pornography again or to have wandering eyes (and thoughts). When confessing your struggles to your wife, try to remember that she's been hurt before. Let's face it, your sin broke her heart. So justifications and excuses only feed bitterness but a humble spirit will go a long way in helping your wife become your helpmate in this pursuit of purity.

  2. Listen with tenderness- Your wife is vulnerable. She wants to help you through these struggles but it's difficult to hear that you may have fallen again or that your struggling with looking at other women. Your wife will have to do her part on not taking your struggles as a personal attack. But you need to understand that it's not as easy as you think. If she cries or gets angry, try to remember she's hurting and don't invalidate her feelings.

  3. Details- Use discretion but don't be too vague. Your wife needs to know the extent of your sin and struggles but she doesn't need to be crushed with every grisly detail. It's a genuine balance between being genuinely honest with your wife about your sexual struggles while not being cruel. This is one reason why my husband and I highly recommend having male accountability partners as well. You can confess your sins and struggles in a more detailed manner with them while still sharing the basics with your wife. (Note: In no way am I saying you should keep any secrets from your wife. I believe wholeheartedly in full disclosure with my spouse. But I am saying that sometimes the details don't always have expressed. For example, if you recently had a one night stand with another woman, you need to confess that to our wife! But you should refrain from describing all the dirty details to her. Get it?)

  4. Respond with repentance and a plan- Don't just confess to your wife for the sake of confessing. You need to have a repentant heart and a plan of attack. She needs to see your repentance in action. Whether you've fallen and have sinned sexually or you're just really struggling with a sexual temptation, your wife needs to see that you genuinely want a pure heart and what you plan to do to avoid those sexual sins and temptations in the future.

  5. Pray without ceasing- Ask the Lord to help you keep a love for truth and a desire to have a clear conscience. To not shy away from it but rather have the courage to confess your struggles and repent of sins that keep you in bondage. Pray for your wife's too. Ask God to mend and heal her heart as He continues to mold her into the woman He created her to be.

So have courage and stay humble, and go talk to your wife. 


7 Reasons To Stop Looking at Porn

June 25, 2014
Christian Blogger Tim Challies writes a very good article here on 7 Good Reasons to Stop Looking at Porn Today. While you are there, take a look around at the site. Not everything he writes is related to sexual sin, but he does have quite a lot of resources. 

Soli Deo Gloria
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20 Quotes from Finally Free by Desiring God

April 7, 2014

Heath Lambert's book, Finally Free, has become a great resource among recovering porn addicts. We promote it here on Isaiah 53 Ministry. I found this post from Desiring God that give 20 quotes from the book just to give you a taste of what to expect if you purchase this resource. It's available as a paperback and as a Kindle addition.

My favorite quote...

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David Platt: The Gospel and Pornography

March 21, 2014

Gospel and Pornography from David Platt on Vimeo.

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Should a woman marry a man who is addicted to porn?

January 7, 2014
This is a good yet short article from Heath Lambert on a question that will be (if it isn't already) very common for young women today. Lambert is the author of a very good book titled "Finally Free." Order it on Amazon here
Here is the link to the article that I mentioned before. 

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Subscribe by e-mail

January 6, 2014

Just a quick update! If you are interested in receiving e-mail updates whenever we make a new blog post, you may now do so via our feedburner link on the right-hand side of this page. Simply put in your e-mail address and you will be redirected to a form with a captcha phrase. Type in the captcha phrase and an e-mail will be sent to your inbox. Click on the link in your inbox and you are all set. That way you can stay on top of whenever we make a new post.

Just thought you would want to know.

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XXX Church Men's Blog

January 3, 2014
I'm sure you have probably heard of xxxchurch.com. They've been around for a while now and are quite popular. I recently wrote a blog that was published on their site. You can check it out here. And while you're there take a look around. There is quite a lot of good information and resources there. 
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More Resources

December 11, 2013

It appears to me that there are more resources, websites, articles and books on the subject of sexual immorality and sin than when I first began recovery. I wish it weren't so. That may seem like an odd sentiment, but it's true. I wish there were less resources BECAUSE there was less sexual sin going on in our society, in our families and in our churches. The truth is the opposite is true, so I am thankful for the many quality resources out there. Here are a few I've ran across for your benef...
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Fallen Pastor Guest Blog

November 18, 2013

Here is a link to a blog I recently wrote for Fallen Pastor. If you are/were a minister who has struggled with sexual sin, then this site is totally worth your time in exploring. Also, check out the book with numerous testimonies and stories of how God can bring healing and restoration. I look forward to reading it and putting a review up on this site in the future. In the meantime, check out the site and take heed of all the useful information.

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Accountability Jumpstart

November 18, 2013

Our friends at Porn to Purity and Purity Coaching have come up with a new program for initiating accountability called Accountability Jumpstart. Here the team at Purity Coaching will jumpstart your accountability (see what I did there…) for those who have no idea where to start or simply don’t have someone who can hold them accountable yet.

I know the people at Porn to Purity and they truly have a heart to minister and to see men and women restored. If you do not have an accountability pl...

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