Jesus came to pardon our sins. But He also came to heal the brokenhearted so we can walk in freedom.  

Freedom from pain, guilt, shame, sin, and condemnation. By His wounds we are healed. 

May God continue to bless us on the path to complete restoration and healing in Him.  

Call Me a Fool

September 30, 2017
A moment to rant, please.

"I was never in it for the money. No. Playboy isn't a business for me. It has been from the very beginning, a labor of love. And that's pretty easy to say because... because if you don't love all this - ha - then you're a fool." Hugh Hefner, NYTimes

Well, call me a fool.

This morning my husband informed me that Hugh Hefner died earlier this week. My initial reaction was a pit in my stomach and I thought to myself, "GOOD!" Followed by an immediate lump in my throat and an urge to confess to God (and my husband) what I had just thought. I guess I felt conflicted. Is it ok to think that the world is a better place without someone in it? What evil person in the past could I compare him to? He was so well loved by millions that I would end up being the villain for comparing him to some other despicable human being. But try as I must, I could not muster up any feelings of grief over the loss of this man's presence on earth. Needless to say, I had no time to think about it because I had a busy day ahead of me. 

When I got home, I couldn't stop thinking about Mr. Hefner. I listened to a short interview he did with the New York Times and it only made me cringe even more. And I just couldn't get over this quote above. It's the very first thing he says in the interview.  The part that got me most was when he says "if you don't love all this - ha - then you're a fool." If he had only learned before he died how much of a fool he actually was and how many people he fooled in his lifetime.

He fooled over 1,000 women to have sex with him. It has been revealed by several former "Playmates" that they were often offered drugs while staying at the Playboy mansion. It has also been said that sex with Hefner had zero intimacy - no kissing allowed. They often were encouraged to have sex with him in groups while pornography played on large screens and Mr. Hefner would "finish" things off on his own. How foolish he was to believe that he ever had any sort of relationship with any of these women. How foolish they were to think that he ever cared about any of them. 

He fooled a society into thinking a "men's magazine" with "good writing" was an acceptable excuse for the objectification of women in the form of pornography. Ever notice that no one uses the word "pornography" when discussing Playboy? Apparently it's a much more acceptable form of viewing pornography because it's more "sophisticated" than internet porn. 

He fooled 257 celebrities over the years into posing nude for Playboy. Those celebrities ended up getting quite a few more gigs. Wonder why? I don't think it was because of their intelligence or their great acting skills.

He fooled his wives (all of them) into thinking that they are important to him. That he somehow understood how to love them, care for them, be faithful to them. He claims to have never "cheated" while married but he did view lots and lots and LOTS of pornography. Heartbreaking. 

He fooled political leaders into thinking it was cool to come to parties at the Playboy Mansion and have their pictures taken with Playboy Bunnies. That somehow it made them seem more relevant. (And yes, even our current President had quite a goofy smile while surrounded by half naked Playmates during his many visits to the mansion). Mr. Hefner also fooled generations of people that a run-down, outdated old mansion can be disguised by enough naked skin.

He fooled millions of young boys into believing that hiding a Playboy under their matress was some sort of rite of passage and that "boys will be boys." Or that if they found one in their dad's sock drawer, well that was ok too.

He fooled millions of women into believing that there is something glamorous about Playmates and that the sex industry isn't as "icky" as it's made out to be. That if they joined his empire, they'd become great successes. When in reality many of them become depressed, addicted to drugs, and suicidal. 

But he didn't fool GOD.

God is not mocked.

God saw all the darkness in Hugh Hefners heart for what it really was... trash. SIN. Sexual immorality.

It's a shame that someone with so much creativity and charisma could spend a lifetime spitting at the One who created him. 

So call me a fool, Mr. Hefner. If being a fool means I don't love all the things about Playboy then I must be the queen of fools.



After All This Time

April 18, 2017
It was a harmless comment.
He didn't mean it the way I took it.
But it began a spiral of emotions that took me to a place of anxiety and fear.
A place I haven't gone in quite some time.
A place that I thought was long forgotten.
Yet there I was, lying in the dark, feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of distrust.
Overwhelmed by worry about my body, my age, my performance.
Worry about his faithfulness.
Why would such a small thing cause me to spiral out of control like that?
Because I was not being dili...
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Confession is Good for the Soul

April 9, 2015

Is there a confession that’s any more daunting for a wife than to tell someone about her husband's porn addiction? Or any addiction for that matter?

It’s just the worst!

When I found out my husband had been looking at porn for years, I was utterly humiliated. Not only did I have to deal with the shame and pain in my marriage, but I was so afraid to talk to anyone about it.  Would anyone even understand?? In our hyper-sex-driven culture, would anyone even care? Almost every TV show makes...

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Podcast with Porn to Purity

April 6, 2015
Four years ago we participated in a podcast with Jeff and Marsha Fisher from Porn to Purity and I wanted to share it with you again. It's been several years since I listened to the interview and I had forgotten how powerful one story of brokenness and healing can really be. If you've just started this journey of healing or if you're in the thick of it, I hope that you can find some encouragement and wisdom through this interview to help you along the way. Please contact us if we can pray with...
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The Bitterness Bully

September 3, 2014

Bitterness is a bully. It spits in the face of your spouse, slaps him around a bit, and leaves him feeling humiliated. Bitterness has no place in marriage.

When you’ve been betrayed or offended by your spouse (or anyone else for that matter!), it is far too easy to let bitterness take hold in your heart. You say you forgive them outwardly, but inwardly, you cling to your pain and you refuse to let it go. As bitterness begins to grow, your heart begins to harden towards the person you love....

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Sorry, I've Been Sick

July 30, 2014
Hi friends. 

Please forgive me for not posting in such a long while. I have been so sick for about two weeks, along with all four of my kiddos. It was awful. But we are on the mend. My cough is still lingering but hopefully it will clear up soon.

Anyway. I am still praying for you all and thinking of you. Please feel free to contact me anytime if you need to chat or for prayer. 

New posts coming soon!
Walking in Freedom,
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You Don't Have to Try so Hard

July 13, 2014

I saw this video today and I was blown away by it.

At first I thought about showing it to my daughter and talking to her about the beauty that is within her, that gentle and quiet spirit that God considers precious. And I will.

But then I thought that I need to show it to you. The women who visit my site because they are broken by the effects of pornography. You. The one who doesn't feel pretty. Who doesn't feel attractive. Who feels like she has to TRY SO HARD to be someone you're not b...

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5 Things You Shouldn't Assume about Your Husband's Addiction

July 9, 2014

#5 Don't assume he's got it under control.

If he had it under control, he wouldn't be breaking your heart with his confessions right now. One of the worst things you can do for your husband is be naive. He needs you. Pornography addiction is a big deal. As much as society wants to down-play its effects by making it the butt of every joke on television, pornography warps your mind and is a very serious matter. Your husband will not be able to beat this by simply saying “I don't want to do thi...

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When Your Thoughts Take You Hostage

July 9, 2014

There's something that had been festering in my soul. A question that I've had about my husband's past sin that has been tormenting me. We've been redeemed and restored for several years now but recently I had a thought that took me hostage. A thought that I wasn't able to shake. As much as I've tried not to dwell on the past, I wasn't able to get rid of this doubt that was flooding my soul.

So what did I do with it? Here I was, this woman who has overcome so much in my marriage and person...

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Keep Calm and Glorify God

June 10, 2014

This Sunday my husband preached a sermon that struck me to the core. Not because he's my husband (although I do think he's pretty great) but because the Word of the God is a two-edged sword! Gavin has been preaching through John for the last 40 weeks or so and this Sunday he was on  John 6:16-21.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, this is the story of Jesus walking on the water. And I wanted to share a portion of the transcript from his sermon with you because I really think it will bless ...

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