After you discover your husband’s betrayal, depending on your circumstances and personality, you will betempted to react negatively to sex with your spouse in one of two ways:
1) Take over as his god. When men are trapped in sexual sin, sex becomes their god. They worship it. They give themselves over to it, sacrificing their time, money, energy, and even their family to their god. You may be tempted to jump in and take over, allowing him to idolize you. Trying to satisfy his every sexual craving in such a way that he would not need to seek a god besides you.<?
2) Be repulsed by him. You obviously have been wounded and devastated by your spouse’s sexual behaviors, and therefore you may be tempted to associate all sex with your husband’s sin. Sex may become something that is dirty, filthy, vile, gross, and utterly repulsive.
I encourage you to put to death both of these options! At first, I chose option number one. I felt like it was a competition between me and porn stars, and somehow I had to win my husband over from the wickedness that had ensnared him. I felt that if I was sexy enough, if I seduced him enough, if I gave him everything he wanted sexually, then I would be able to keep him from being tempted again. But I was wrong. Not that it’s wrong to be sexy for and seduce your husband, or satisfy his sexual desires; but my motivation was not oneness, rather it was to control him.
Sex is a gift that God gives us to treasure and cherish, to steward, to enjoy, to protect, and within the context of marriage, to share. And once that gift has been trampled on, it’s hard for us as women to view it that way. But there is hope! You can, once again, treasure, cherish, and enjoy sex with your husband even after betrayal. Although he failed to protect and steward it while he was in sin, if your husband has been repentant and you’re working towards healing, God is giving you both an amazing opportunity to restore your marriage completely – including sex.
The intimacy between my husband and I has become something that I am very fond of. It’s hard to describe it, but my husband will say the same thing… everything is just better when we’re together! We worked through the negative concepts of sex together and have come to a place in our marriage where sex and intimacy are both enjoyed and looked forward to.
A great biblical resource that helped me work through my warped perceptions of sex and my role in serving my husband was Mark Driscoll’s sermon series “The Peasant Princess.” He teaches a 9 part series through the Song of Songs. I would highly recommend watching these podcasts with your husband or at least on your own. I’m not saying it’s a cure-all or the law, but it’s a great place to start. My husband and I enjoyed this series and it really did help us work through our issues. And now, through counseling and a lot of COMMUNICATION, my husband and I enjoy and cherish healthy, vibrant intimacy. Not only does that encourage my husband to stay sexually pure, but it has fortified our marriage and brought unspeakable joy to our relationship. So yes, there is hope for sex after betrayal.
The Peasant Princess
Walking in Freedom,
Tags: ""sex after betrayal"" ""the peasant princess"" ""mark driscoll"" restoration healing sex
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