These are just a few of the words that describe how we usually feel when we consider sharing our struggles and pain with another person. We think that there's no way any other person could possibly understand what we're going through or what we're tempted by. And that's a lie straight from Satan that is intended to keep people in darkness and despair; where as confession brings things into the light. In fact, the Bible says, “NO temptation has overtaken you that is not COMMON TO MAN. God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13, emphasis added). Did you read that? It says that all temptations, sexual and otherwise, are common. There's nothing that you're struggling with that someone else hasn't struggled with too. And that is a comforting thought. It's also comforting to know that God is faithful and will ALWAYS provide a way for us to escape those temptations we are struggling with.
Now, for wives that are visiting this blog, most likely your struggles are not sexual in nature (although they may be) but probably reactive struggles to your husband's sexual sin. You may be struggling with anger, bitterness, obsessive need to control, hatred, insecurity, etc. These are very common struggles that woman experience who have been sexually betrayed. And there's comfort in that too. To know that you are not alone, you are not the only woman in the world that is experiencing this barrage of emotions, and you are not crazy for wanting to stay with your husband even after what he did. There are so many women who have found great healing through Jesus Christ in the midst of these same painful circumstances. So take comfort and know that it's not only OK to share, but necessary for healing. You need support and encouragement. You need a friend who can listen to your heartache and help you process this pain that you're experiencing and how to avoid those reactive behaviors that I already mentioned.
But who should you talk to? Anybody? Your best friend and your mom? It depends. I am a firm believer that we should be very careful who we share our most intimate struggles and fears with. There are many people in our lives who love us and out of their desire to help us avoid pain, give us ungodly counsel. Sometimes your girlfriends will want to protect you and they may encourage you to just divorce your husband or that it's a good idea to burn all his clothes. That is not wise, Godly counsel. Sure it may sound good in the midst of your pain, but ultimately it will not bring healing to your heart or restoration to your marriage. So choose carefully who you share your struggles with. Choose women who you know are strong Christians, who love the Lord and would give you wise, Godly counsel. Choose women who have experienced sexual betrayal and have overcome. If a woman has never experienced the pain of a husband who is addicted to porn or an adulterer, they will have a hard time understanding what you are going through. Keep that in mind when you are finding someone to share with. That is one reason we highly recommend Christian support groups. And be sure that you only confide in someone that you know will keep your confidence. You don't want to just talk to anybody who may blab your pain to everyone at church next week. It's sad, but many people have lost the art of discretion. So make sure that you pray about who to confide in.
So in short, when finding someone to share your struggles with:
Find someone who is a strong Christian.
Find someone who has experienced sexual betrayal.
Find someone who is discreet.
Ask God to bring you a confidant.
But please, find someone. You can't go through this alone. You need to share your struggles with someone. If you feel like you don't know anyone to talk to, please feel free to contact me. I have met many women through my ministry that needed someone to talk to but didn't have anyone in their life they felt comfortable sharing with. I am more than happy to help you through this time of pain and struggle.
Tags: sharing struggles support encouragement pain misunderstood embarassed help
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