my dear friend, I know how you are hurting. I have been there. I know
the pain that is overwhelming your every thought. I know how you've
cried so many tears that you feel like you can't possibly cry
anymore. Yet you do. I have felt that anger, absolute disgust, that
wells up within you; the kind that makes your stomach turn in knots
and makes your face and chest burn red. I know the shame you feel
when you think about what your husband has done; how ugly, fat,
boring, and unwanted you feel. I totally understand that desire that
has come over you to try to compete with the women in your husband's
sin. Maybe if you could just be sexier, more available, more willing
to try “whatever”... maybe then he'll want you instead of her. I
know. It's a darkness that seems to close in all around you,
suffocating your joy and making you bitter. I have heard the whispers
of the enemy that tell you “He's never going to stop.” Those
whispers that come on those very rare good days that seem to drain
any hope that you had. I've believed the lies that he's still
looking, still thinking, still wanting her. I know how you feel. I've
felt like a crazy person who has no self-control over her emotions
and feels guilt-ridden day in and day out because of my outbursts of
wrath. I've looked into my husband's eyes and felt hatred for him.
I've been there. I know how confused you are. I know how hurt you
are. I know how you feel like there's no hope. How could you ever
recover? I even understand those questions you're asking God. “Why
didn't you protect me?” “Why didn't you deliver him from this?”
I know, I've been there.
You are not alone. You are reacting completely normal. And you CAN find healing and restoration through Jesus Christ. I know, I've been there. I've seen my husband completely broken and repenting before the Lord. I've seen him work diligently to keep his eyes, mind, and hands pure. I've watched his heart change towards me and felt the amazing gift of being pursued again. I've felt love rekindled and trust rebuilt in our marriage. It's amazing. I have seen my husband overcome temptations and remain steadfast in his covenant to be pure. I have seen God take something ugly, shameful, full of pain, and turn it into something that I cherish. I have watched my husband's anger decrease and his gentleness increase. I have seen him become an amazing father to our four children; a father who is attentive and present and not full of guilt and shame. I have felt my heart change and my own anger and bitterness begin to fade. I have watched as Jesus has taken my heart and mended the broken pieces. I know, I've been there. It is possible.
Jesus can deliver your husband. Jesus can heal your heart. Jesus can restore your marriage. It is possible; I know, I've been there. And I want to encourage you today that you are not alone. Jesus has been there this whole time, even in the midst of your pain. And He is able to heal what man destroys. He is able to make beautiful, what your husband has made ruin. Please don't give up hope. Turn to Him and He will set you free from the darkness that has kept your husband, you, and your marriage in bondage. I know, I've been there.
Walking in Freedom,
PS. Why do I tell you these things? Well, it's sorta like when you try to comfort a mother who has lost her child. No matter what Scriptures you use, no matter how sweet your words, if you have not lost a child, you really don't know how she feels. You haven't gone through that type of pain. Only a mother who has lost a child herself can truly say “I've been there” and offer hope that she will survive this tragedy. In the same way, only a wife who has experienced the tremendous pain of sexual betrayal can truly understand where you are at and offer hope that you will survive this tragedy. That's what I offer you. Hope.
Tags: "i've been there" healing pain shame restoration jesus
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