“The devil goes about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
The great Theologian, A.W. Tozer once said, “…it is a delightful thing when you know that you are close enough to the adversary that you can hear him roar! Too many Christians never get into ‘lion country’ at all!” I’m not sure if I would consider it delightful, but I have certainly spent a great amount of time in lion country! I have heard the enemy’s unrelenting roar all too often since we began this process of healing. A process that takes us further and further from Satan’s lies and places us in the midst of God’s glorious Truth. But the closer we get to complete restoration, the louder that lion gets. He hates us. He wants to devour us and leave us unrecognizable. Yesterday I wrote a blog about the lies women believe when they’ve been wounded by sexual sin. Lies from the enemy that are meant to destroy us. I should have been keenly aware that the lion was creeping in to attack, but again, I was naïve.
My husband has restricted his computer usage greatly. He has placed a good filter on the internet that only I have the password to. He does not use the computer when I am not home, and even if I am home, he still tells me what he’s going to be doing. Our computer is in the dining room, out in the open for everyone to see. He’s gone above and beyond to set up boundaries to not only guard himself but also make me feel safe. He cancelled his Facebook account and now we have a joint account. He did not, however, cancel his Twitter account. It’s on his phone. He doesn’t really write much on Twitter, but he likes to read what others post. He’s shown me all the people he “follows,” all of whom are Christian authors, other pastors, church planters, or sports writers. He doesn’t follow anyone he doesn’t know and has very few personal friends on his account. I’ve never had a problem with him using Twitter. All that said, the enemy was still at work yesterday…
For some reason I decided to Google my husband’s name. First mistake. There are many men with the same name as my husband, but I found one site that had a description that matched my husband. I had never heard of this site before, so I clicked on it. It is a picture site that all Twitter users are automatically enrolled in. Although at that moment I was not aware of that. If you post a picture on Twitter, it goes on this site unless you disable the application. But I assumed my husband had posted a profile on this site. So I started searching the site to see what types of pictures my husband had free access to and, of course, I found pornography. I should have stopped searching when I saw the first nude photo, but I didn’t. Second mistake. My heart pounding, filling with anger, I found four more pornographic photos posted for anyone’s viewing pleasure, before I stopped. And as I saw the images of those women, the lion roared. “No matter how hard you try, you’ll never look that good!” “You could sit completely naked in front of your husband and he’d never think you’re as sexy as her!” “How could he possibly be satisfied with your imperfect body when he’s seen thousands of girls who look just like her?” And I took the bait. Hook, line, and sinker. I was completely crushed. I allowed all those lies to flood my mind and I was consumed with doubt, insecurity, and sadness. The next hour I spent crying uncontrollably while my husband reassured me that I am the one he desires. It was an awful place to be again. And it was exactly where the Devil wanted me.
My husband had never been on that site, thankfully, and we are trying to disable the application. He’s offered to cancel his Twitter account if it would make me feel more comfortable. But even if he did, Satan will just find another way to attempt to break me. To devour me. It’s not about the boundaries, it’s about my heart. Yes, boundaries are good. They are necessary. But if I don’t protect my heart, they are worthless to me. Controlling what my husband sees and doesn’t see will not keep my heart from breaking. I have to be more diligent. How??
“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 5:6-11)
Yes the enemy is ever seeking to devour me, but God gives me clear instructions on how to fight him.
1. Humble myself before God.
2. Give my cares, worries, anxieties, insecurities, to God.
3. Be sober (clear headed, self-controlled) and vigilant (alert, watchful)
4. Be steadfast in my faith and resist the enemy
5. Find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one suffering this way
6. Know that through this, God is perfecting me and He will establish, strengthen, and settle (cause to rest) me.
7. Give glory to God.
So I may be in lion country for a little while longer, but God has given me the weapons I need to SHUT HIM UP!
Walking in Freedom,
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