that find themselves surrounded by the pieces of a broken marriage
often look around and think that there is no hope in fixing things.
For us, when we came to that point where we were in complete despair,
we weren't really sure what to do or where to start in hopes to
restore our marriage. There was only heartbreak. Until an older and
wiser couple came to us with a spiritual toolbox of sorts to help us
begin building towards a healing and reconciliation. Over the years
of recovery we have added to the toolbox and reserved some vital
tools that we believe no recovering couple can go without.
So I thought I'd share with you the tools we have in our toolbox and encourage you. If you're surrounded by the pieces of your broken marriage and you are in complete despair, there is hope. And with these tools, it is possible for you and your spouse to find healing and be reconciled.
Yes, Jesus. There will be times during this recovery process where Jesus is all you will have. There will be nights when you feel like you're just grasping in the dark and cannot see a glimmer of light. It's in those times that all you can do is cry out to Jesus. Jesus is your Healer. Jesus is your Comfort. Jesus is the Light in your darkest moments.
Tool #2: Prayer.
This tool goes hand in hand with the first. You will spend a lot of time on your knees pleading with God to bring restoration to your marriage, beseeching God on behalf of your spouse to deliver him from his addiction, and imploring God to remove bitterness and anger from your heart. Prayer will be a tremendous tool in the recovery process.
#3: Time in The Word.
You need to spend time in the Word of God both by yourself and as a couple. There is healing and power in Scripture. The Bible says, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Recovery is a time of transforming and renewing the heart and mind. Recovering from any addiction is a heart issue, not merely a behavioral issue, which is why it should be addressed through God's Word. Reading and memorizing Scripture will help you both tremendously in this process.
Tool #4: Godly Counseling.
Going to counseling as a couple can help bring understanding. Understanding for you towards his addiction and why he's been ensnared. Understanding for him towards your reaction and the intensity of your pain. And understanding as a couple of how to better communicate with each other through this process. There are a lot of great counselors available but I encourage you to be picky. Choose a counselor that is a Christian and will offer your godly counsel, and one that has experience with counseling couples who are dealing with addiction.
#5: Solid Support System.
Having a group of people who are dealing with or have dealt with similar issues is extremely important in the recovery process. Even if you can just find one friend who has found healing after her spouse confessed to addiction, you will be blessed. Every betrayed heart has questions, concerns, fears, insecurities, and doubts when going through this process of seeking restoration. Rebuilding trust and intimacy is difficult. If you have a friend or a support group to go to with your questions and concerns, you will find that they will help you either diffuse anxiety before it erupts into a full blown melt-down or they can encourage you to pursue a question because there needs to be a resolution. People who have “been there” and found healing really can be a great tool in your toolbox.
#6: Desire to be Reconciled.
In another blog I recently wrote “God is a God of reconciliation and we were created in His image. He puts His attributes in us and when Jesus saves us from the depths of depravity, He gives us a new heart. A heart that seeks after Him and that wants to be more like Him. A heart that desires reconciliation and forgiveness. So, ultimately, we should desire reconciliation...” even with a spouse that has betrayed us. When we keep a mindset that we desire to be reconciled, it becomes harder to hold on to bitterness or cling to anger. And when you see your spouse walking out his repentance, it becomes harder to nitpick every little thing he does. “There's something quite beautiful about a marriage that's been restored and a spouse that's been forgiven. There's something endearing about a heart that desires to be reconciled.”
So there you have it. Some of the vitals tools to keep in your recovery toolbox. And there's many more little gadgets you could keep in your toolbox like accountability, great books and blogs, pursuing each other, date nights, and more. These are all great tools in the pursuit of healing. And through Christ, it is possible to be reconciled. So get to work... your marriage is not going to rebuild itself.
Walking in Freedom,
Tags: tools toolbox recovery reconciliation healing restoration addiction broken marriage god jesus
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