God is my Father. By my finite, human definition, a father is one who loves his children, teaches them, disciplines them, nurtures them, and protects them. A father does everything in his power to make sure his children feel safe and like they are a priority in his life. When I think of my earthly father, I think of someone who would never intentionally allow a boy to hurt me. He would rather have fought me tooth and nail than to let me go out with a boy that was not good for me. (And we did have many of these fights). He certainly wouldn’t have planned for me to date a boy that would break my heart. He certainly wouldn’t have purposefully placed me in a relationship with a boy that he knew would do terrible, terrible things. So when I think about my husband and how it was God’s plan for me to marry him, I sometimes ask myself, “Why, God?” Why would my heavenly Father, the One who knows everything, the One who loves me even more than my earthly father, the One who promises to protect me and be my refuge… why would He put me in the path of a man who He knew would crush me? Why would He put me in a relationship with a man who He knew would do terrible, terrible things and break my heart? Why didn’t God just change him? Why didn’t God just warn me and save me from years of heart ache? Why didn’t God distract me and keep me from even falling in love with this man?
Well, a good friend of mine once said, “we are part of the rescue.” It’s strange; I never thought there’d be any good that could come from being betrayed by my husband. But if you give me a minute, I will tell you how there is.
Sexual sin and addiction is extremely powerful. Although most people say “a sin is a sin is a sin” and that all sin is the same, I believe there are some sins that take hold of someone much deeper and are much more difficult to overcome. Even Paul says,
“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, "The two will become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1st Corinthians 6:15-20
Paul is saying that sexual sin is especially dangerous because it is personal. It affects every part of a man, even if they like to think it’s just physical. It is inside the body where the Holy Spirit is meant to dwell. It completely warps any Godly perspectives that was intended; perspectives on intimacy, desire, beauty, love, relationships, and responsibility. Sexual immorality is like a cancer that destroys you from the inside out.
That said, cancer doesn’t just go away on its own. To rid a body of cancer, a person must go through a rigorous, often painful, treatment plan to find and destroy the cancer. There are excruciating side effects and it’s not a quick and easy process. In the same way, removing sexual sin and its adverse effects from a man is not a quick and easy process either. They go through a rigorous, painful process to find and destroy every hint of sexual sin in their lives. But unlike cancer, men who’ve engaged in sexual immorality have the challenge to not only remove it from within themselves, but also the effects it has had on their marriage, their children, and their friendships. It is also required of them to prevent a relapse. This is not something a person can do alone.
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’ ” (Genesis 2:18).
And this is where we come in. The wives of men who have betrayed them sexually have been given a great opportunity by God to be part of the rescue. God uses us to stand by our husband, amidst our pain, and help him through this amazing but difficult transformation. By no means is it easy! By no means is it even fair sometimes! But it is something that draws us into greater intimacy with God because it requires us to trust in Him more than we ever have before. I can attest to this in my own story. Before our crisis, my relationship with God was weird. I knew I was saved, I knew God loved me, but I could not feel Him near me and I certainly didn’t think He cared about my day-to-day. I knew all the Sunday school answers and I even worked in ministry, but I couldn’t quite understand why God had allowed me to be married to a man who wasn’t interested in me. But when the crisis of truth began, my relationship with God was turned upside down. I clung to His Word, I prayed harder than ever before and BELIEVED He was actively listening, I found comfort and strength and grace in Him that I never felt before, and I understood that God was doing a great work and…. Brace yourselves…. It wasn’t about ME! Believe it or not, God didn’t place us here to just protect our own hearts. He placed us here to share His love with and grace with others. And as much as I wanted this to be about me, as devastated as I was, it wasn’t about me. Sure there was a lot of healing that had to happen in my heart, but that came through my ministering to my husband in his greatest time of need. Could there be a time in a man’s life when he needs his wife more than when he’s choosing to flee sexual immorality and pursue purity? I think not.
So to answer my question -- why God? Let’s look to His Word…
“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4
Before this all happened, my life was lacking. My faith was not patient and my life was incomplete. But because God allowed me to be part of the rescue, to play a role in my husband’s transformation, even though it was painful, my faith has been restored, my marriage has been redeemed, and my desire to bring His message of healing to the broken hearted has been ignited. (Oh, and not to mention my relationship with my husband through all this is amazing!! I wouldn't trade it!)
Walking in Freedom,
Tags: ""why god?"" ""james 1:2-4"" healing forgiveness ""sexual immorality"" ""1st corinthians 6:15-20""
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