On a popular TV show, I heard yet another joke about pornography and it made me sick. Pornography is not a joke. It's not a rite of passage. It's not a "boys will be boys" issue. It's not something "every guy struggles with." It's death. Death of marriage, death of the ability to have true intimacy, death of communion with God. It destroys everything. And I'm saddened to hear jokes in movies and television or even just random facebook posts that make pornography out to be some non-affectual hobby. It affects everyone. Especially married women.
A married woman who finds out her husband is looking at pornography is devestated. She has one thing to give her husband that she shares with no one else. One thing that is supposed to connect them in the most powerful way on earth. One thing that sets her apart... her body. This one things that brings unity and intimacy between them like they have with no other person. And then one day she makes the horrifying discovery that her husband's enjoying the view of hundreds, even thousands of other women. They're sharing their bodies with him in a false-intimacy that requires no effort on his part beyond clicking the mouse. And every book she reads and every person she talks to will tell her "it's not about you, it has nothing to do with you." Which sounds logical to anyone who's never experienced that type of betrayal. But inside her heart, where no one else can see (other than God), she is terrified. Because all of a sudden she's been thrown into a competition with a harem of women who have perfect bodies and do anything and everything a guy could ask for without flinching. How can she compare? Every shred of confidence she once had that she was seductive or attractive enough for her man is now drowning in a sea of lewdness.
But no one will understand her because it's a big joke, right? Porn is just a harmless pleasure, it's not hurting anyone. It's not like he had a "real" affair. Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." ADULTERY. It's not just something every guy struggles with! It's adultery!
Just a note to MEN: It's time Christian men stop sweeping porn under the rug and excusing themselves because it's something women would never understand. We get it. You're visual by nature. Are your wives not bodies to behold? Can you not take your thoughts captive and fantasize about your own wife? Proverbs 5:16-20 says, "Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?" It's time for Christian men to stop making excuses. Stop hiding behind the lies and deceit that accompany sexual sin (yes, it is a sin!). You HAVE to get help, it's not something you can defeat on your own. Is there hope? Absolutely! But it's not an easy road to take my friend. Purity requires a lifetime of diligence. Especially in a culture like ours that is soaked in the waters of so called sexual "freedom". There's no freedom in pornography. It's nothing but bondage. And as for the wife, there's hope for her too. If she's willing to go to Jesus for healing and validation. But why make your wife go through something like that when all you have to do is CHOOSE.
Although my husband and I have found healing in our marriage and are walking in freedom, sometimes things come up that throw me into a spiral of anger, bitterness, and doubt. I get overwhelmed with questions about myself and the "why" to what he did. And then the Holy Spirit reminds me that I have to make a choice. I can choose to dwell on the past and let the Enemy have free-range in my mind... or I can take my thoughts captive and TRUST that God is doing a new work in my life. I am reminded of Isaiah 43:18-19 "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." When something triggers my memories of betrayal, I have to focus on the new things that God is doing in and through me. And oh, what a lovely thing it is.
Walking in Freedom,
Tags: pornography television isaiah healing
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