This past Tuesday, my husband and I celebrated his first year of sobriety. Kristina
I won’t pretend that this year has been easy. It hasn’t. I won’t even pretend that this year was fair. It wasn’t. But I will say this year, our 9th year, has been our best year. You’d think the opposite would be true… my husband confessed to being addicted to pornography, to lying, deceiving, and manipulating me and everyone we know to keep this secret, and to pursuing a relationship with another woman; we’ve had to go to counseling, join a sex addicts accountability group, and talk about the most intimate details of our marriage with sometimes complete strangers… doesn’t that all seem like BAD things? Well, it’s all a matter of perspective. Before our crisis of truth, Gavin and I never had true intimacy. I’m not even sure he really ever loved me. We certainly had no genuine communication because everything was built on lies. We had a lingering darkness over our home and our relationship. Our marriage was plagued with bitterness, anger, resentment, unmet expectations, and a general lack of love and respect. But once the truth came out and Gavin repented, that darkness lifted and we began to see each other in a new light. God intervened and worked miraculous transformation and restoration in my husband and in our marriage. We began communicating openly and honestly about everything and it brought us into an incredible place of intimacy. Being connected in a way that I think only happens to people who have gone to fight a war together. Gavin and I went to battle, fighting side by side. And that united us in a way I never dreamt possible. Beyond that, all of Gavin’s sexual desires and needs were now focused on me, so our sexual intimacy flourished and became something that we both treasure and enjoy. We’re like two kids in love again, getting to know each other for the first time. He is pursuing me and I am his beauty. Who would’ve thought my husband would become my hero? It’s been an amazing adventure. I absolutely love spending time with Gavin. And yes, we still have days that we struggle. Someone will say something that triggers a memory for me and I am back in pain-mode. But now we know how to fight. We charge the battlefield and we don’t back down because our marriage and purity are something worth fighting for.
Year one is behind us. And with continued diligence, prayer, and commitment, I look forward to celebrating 70 more!
Walking in Freedom,
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